How Can I Best Describe This Feeling?

Went to a retirement get-together today after work and ran into someone who was let go from The Company two years ago. She looked so much more relaxed than I had ever seen her, and she appeared years younger than she had ever looked in the past. She described the feeling she had after being released from The Company as "having a weight lifted off of my shoulders". That's exactly the way I would describe it. It is comparable to the way I felt when I first got back on my feet after giving birth to my almost-eight-pound-twin girls back in 1991! I have my energy back. I'm on top of the world. I'm smiling again. Who'da thought that being laid off as a result of "a reduction in work force" would be just the therapy I needed to get back on my feet again and forge forward? Honestly, I almost cannot stop smiling . . .

Let Me Clarify That - It Was "Because of Your Age" . . .

. . . . And today it got ugly. I didn't think it could get uglier as I make my exit, but it did. I am still reeling from it all. I am still technically employed, so I am not at liberty to go into detail. Let's just say that I will be glad when Friday has come and gone. Three days.

"Especially at your age . . . "

Wow. I'm officially old. Someone said that to me yesterday. Ouch.

Regardless of the context in which he uttered those words, it spurred some useful thinking on my part. I've decided to go back to school. I will take the classes needed to complete my Associate's Degree and then earn my Bachelor's . . . . before I'm too old.

Updating my resume yesterday made me realize that I want to put something in the Education area. I also want to join some professional organizations and get some professional certifications related to the area I am interested in. Perhaps if I get a job with a forward-thinking company, they will have a tuition-assistance program. Hope for the future! Now, that's something I haven't had in a long time, since I've been working for The "you're-lucky-you-have-any-job-at-all" Company.

Believe Me When I Tell You . . .

. . . . I am not depressed about my situation.

I know it is hard for some people to understand, but let me try to explain it.

I am a very resourceful person. When I was first married, I was amazed at how I was able to stretch a dollar and manage a household on a shoestring budget. It was a good exercise for me, one that helped me many times in the future, when a financial crunch would signal the family to go into "stringent" mode. I am excited about simplifying our lives again. What we WANT is not necessarily what we NEED. We have been spending too much for a long time, and this is a good way to tighten things up, for everybody's good.

Because I have a large family, I am not defined by my job. My family has always come first, as it should. From the day I was hired, I struggled with the job-family balance. It has finally come to the point where the job is really not worth consideration.

My plan is to enjoy this job search experience, however long it takes. I will blog about it, and I will learn from it. It is not my intention to mock it, as I realize that others are desperate to find a job. However, I will not put an importance upon it that robs my soul.

Ways to Cut Back on Expenses #1

The household expense over which I have the most control is food. I will be using my own kitchen for meals. There are quite a few challenges with this idea. First of all, I do not like to cook. I never have, and I never will. I can manage, but I'm not a happy camper when I have to spend too much time in the kitchen doing the Julia Child thing. Secondly, I'm not a strict vegetarian, but close. I don't eat any kind of meat, but I can eat seafood. So, you won't catch me frying a chicken or preparing roast beef, much to the dismay of my family. Third, we have eaten out for so long that my youngest daughter thinks that the first course is the presentation of the menu! The "eat it or starve" idea is something she has not been exposed to . . . yet.

Regardless of all of these challenges, we can and will reduce these expenses considerably. At least during the time I am "idle", I will cut our food expenses in half. No one will starve. I will try not to complain too much.

Creating a Resume

Today, I began to gather my thoughts in order to create a resume. Yes, I know. You're thinking, "Well, it's about time!" Yes, I have dragged my feet for too long. One whole week . . . (sarcasm here)

Well, so where do I begin?

Name. Easy
Address. Easy
Phone Number. Easy
Email Address. I use the conservative one, not the crazyladyinohio@hotmail.com one . . .
Objective. What is my objective? Isn't the objective simply to get a new job? Isn't everyone's objective the same when they submit a resume? I want a job with a company that is fair and motivating and does the right thing. I want a job that I'm comfortable with and I want to team with others who share my enthusiasm. Simple enough.
Previous Employment. Same company for 12-1/4 years. Does that mean anything anymore?
Skills. Why do I go blank when I'm asked that? I work so hard and feel so confident, but how do I sit down and quantify that?

Education. High school. Didn't finish college. Not too old to consider doing so, though, if this job-search idea doesn't pan out.

References. I'll produce these upon request, but only the names of those people who like me. :)

My boss, bless his heart, gave me a reference letter yesterday. It contained some really good phrases. So, I used them in my resume. I dug out my reviews from the past three years and found some other things I had forgotten about. I pulled up figures from cost savings reports. Man, this resume looks pretty good. Had a co-worker review it and she told me I forgot to include my software skills. When I do that, I will have to shorten the rest of it. It needs to be a single page. My plan is to get this finished  before Monday and to get it posted on Monster as soon as possible.

The Nightmares . . . . .

. . . . Have stopped. Perhaps you might say I was crazy to lose sleep over my job. The interesting thing is, I didn't know I was having a lot of nightmares until recently. I started remembering the nightmares. Some of them came true. I would hear an absurd rumor, have a nightmare about it, then, next thing you know, voila, it happened. It wasn't until I started sleeping restfully and peacefully, without waking up in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep, that I remembered how chronically troubled I was.

Sweet dreams!

Missing My Good Friends

I know I am going to miss my co-workers, most of whom are my good friends, immensely. And, I know they will miss me, too. They will miss my crazy stories about my husband, my kids, my eccentric mother, my dog Denzel, my anorexic cat Bradley, the horny parakeet and her geriatric ex-partner (he's dead now), my precious granddaughters, and my continuous battle with my laundry room! I have always been an open book ~ or is it a book with no cover? I wear my heart on my sleeve, my emotions spilling out in the way of tears when I am frustrated. I brought my family into The Company and I brought The Company into my family. There wasn't really any separation. If you wanted me, you got me AND the Duff Clan!

I am going to be a big girl about this and say sayonara, so long, farewell, "friend me" on Facebook. See ya later, alligator. In a while, crocodile. Peace, man. Good-bye for now. Over and out. Ten-Four, good buddy. Hasta la vista!

Detachment

I am feeling a distinct sense of detachment from my job duties while I work out these two weeks. My whole attitude has changed. Everyone I have worked with knows that I treated people with respect and responded quickly to their needs. I will continue to do so until I leave. However, I am not stressed by it. That's the main difference. I "disconnected" in a lot of ways a long time ago.

All of a sudden, time seems to be dragging by. I thought these two weeks would fly by. Eight days 'till bye-bye.

The Envy

I am so completely surprised at how many people are stopping by to see me to wish me well. More surprisingly, many are telling me that they envy me. The look of worry on everyone's face is apparent. Even those who are sole bread-winners for their family wish they were being walked out the door - just to get it over and done with! I know how they feel. When someone leaves the company of their own accord, that's one thing. When someone is let go, it's another thing. If that someone who is let go is in a department that needs to suffer some cuts for one reason or another, and that someone has been there for a shorter time than anyone else, or that someone is not a good performer for one reason or another, somehow we can justify the cut. If that someone is an exemplary performer, has a good attitude, and has been with The Company for a bit longer than the rest of the team, it becomes a huge threat to not only the rest of their team but to the rest of The Company. I saw it all around me and I saw them coming in my direction.

Yesterday was a very strange work day. I have busy work to finish up, but I'm taking my sweet time and not stressing about it. I'm having trouble focusing on the menial stuff, as is expected. As I go about my regular duties, I am convinced that I added value to the job, and to The Company. I can't help but be a little bit disappointed that the powers-that-be didn't see how much blood, sweat and tears I invested in The Company.

I got an interesting job prospect today. I promised myself I wouldn't jump into anything right away. I am looking forward too much to having some time off. However, the fact that people I know are beating the bushes already to find something for me is so awesome.

Somebody told me yesterday that, practically overnight, I look so much healthier and relaxed. Well, let's just agree that I AM. Could the stress of the atmosphere at work have made me sick? Oh, yes. Can I now get well? Oh, yes.

My boss thanked me for being so gracious about all of this. I told him it comes from the heart. Grace is my mantra, my motto. Things happen for a reason. This time is just a blip on the radar of our lives. When we look back on it, we want to think we handled it with aplomb, with grace, with a flair.

And, of course, this is a blessing. A push, a shove, a kick in the behind, a motivation, a hint that it is time to move on. No regrets, no bad feelings, and no turning back.

So, I move on to Day #2 of my two-week notice. Sad to think about it, but this is the last time I will see a lot of these people. They know it and I know it.

The Beginning of my Last Two Weeks

This definitely feels very wierd. There's a sense that I don't belong there - already. They have released me; therefore, I am on the outside during these next two weeks. I didn't expect this feeling.

I have a lot of things to go through. Some things will come home with me. Others, I will get rid of.

I have a lot of people I need to see before I leave. A lot of contact information to gather. Many of these friends I will see at another company, I am sure, in the future.

How the Dread of Mondays Ruined Sundays

It is so ironic that just this past week, a co-worker and I were talking about how wonderful it would be to be able to sleep in on summer mornings. When my kids were young, it was so luxurious to lay in bed until the sun was hot on my face. I would hear each of the kids start to stir. The lazy days of summer. Just once or twice during my period of unemployment, I vow I will experience this feeling.

More than anything, I will not miss that feeling of dread that would come over me on Sunday evenings. The return to the work week. Now, I'll grant you that some degree of this feeling probably cannot be avoided when you are employed. But, more and more lately, it was a profound dread. Indeed, there was a period of time when I looked forward to starting the work week after a weekend, but that was short-lived. So, I know that if I find the right job, and I'm working for the right company and the right manager, my Sundays won't be ruined.

The Day After Being Informed

Yesterday morning, just before 9:30 a.m., I was informed that my position at The Company has been eliminated. I was given the opportunity of working the next two weeks. For that, I am appreciative. I didn't cry. I didn't even feel very upset. I thanked my superior for the considerations that were given to me. He told me to take the day off so that I could absorb this news and so that my co-workers could do the same. I called my husband and told him the news and he decided to take the afternoon off. I went home, let the dog out, made myself a cup of tea, and made some phone calls to some key people in my work life. It was a beautiful, sunny day outside and I intended to enjoy it.

My husband came home and we went to lunch and discussed the situation. I was a little concerned about adding to his stress level. He told me he was relieved. This (being let go) has been hanging over my head for a very long time. To say it has taken a toll on my health is an understatement. It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders! Yes, really. We both agree that I will find the right job for me in time, but there is no particular hurry.

I'm glad, in a way, that I have two weeks left to work. My mind is racing right now with things I need to do here at home now that I have the time. Shampooing the dog, getting the pets to the vet for checkups, walking the dog, putting pictures up on the family room wall, having a garage sale, meeting friends for lunch, listening to music in my family room and being able to sing along, planting flowers, and maybe having a vegetable garden.

So ends my employment with The Company for which I have been a loyal associate for twelve-and-a-quarter years. I won't waste my time commiserating about the reasons I was let go. It was time. It happened the way I wanted it to happen. On to bigger and better things. When one door closes, another opens.

I don't think the wierdness will happen until that first week I'm home when everyone else is gone to work. I'll fill my days with plenty to do, especially at first.